Mindfulness: How to Turn Your Inner Critic into a Best Friend

Connect & Grow Magazine: Issue 19 April 2025

When you think about yourself, are you nice or nasty?

Can you be kind towards yourself, even when you make mistakes?

Or is it easier to be nicer to other people?

Changing my self-talk has been a long road of learning for me.

I've lived with a mean girl inside my head for a long time.

And I have no real reason why or when she moved in. But it’s been a while…

After I moved out of home, my Mum asked me to sort through a pile of school papers I'd left at the back of my old bedroom cupboard. Expecting to find happy, precious mementos of childhood learning, I was gobsmacked to find self-reflection comments written by my third grader self that effectively said, "Not good enough. Do better next time." on a 93% test result.

She was tough.

Now I understand that she was doing her best with her limited range of motivational tools. It was pretty much all stick and no carrot.

I use different strategies now. Some I’ve learnt from working with health care professionals, others through trial and error. The following is what’s worked for me. (It may or may not be right for you. Please seek out appropriate professional support.)

I’ve discovered that being kinder to myself makes me feel better and helps me bounce back from disappointment.

It’s still a work in progress. I'm getting better at treating myself more gently and quicker at catching myself out when I'm not.

So, what do I do when that inner meanie comes along?

Firstly, I notice when my thoughts are not pleasant. Awareness is a significant first step. It’s hard to change something we don’t see.

Although I might not pick it up straight away. I can usually tell because I feel sad and experience a heavy feeling in my body. I then think back to discover what I was thinking before I felt this way.

When I can, I ask myself, "How can I be kinder to myself?" or 'What would I say to my best friend in this situation?'

This could mean taking a deep breath, drinking water, walking, or channelling my ‘inner best friend’ with a pep talk.

If I’m still in discomfort, I self-soothe by repeating Pema Chödrön’s Loving-Kindness mantra:

“May I be safe, happy, healthy, and live with ease.”

When I have more distance from the situation, I work with the subconscious limiting beliefs behind the negative self-talk. I reflect on how I’d like it to be instead and what I need to believe to support that. Using my training in PSYCH-K®, I transform any stress and create a Whole-Brain state around the supportive beliefs. The final step is to take action to embed that new belief.

Written by Natalia Walker

Natalia is available for consultations.

Inner Creative

Email: natalia@innercreative.com.au

Subscribe to Connect & Grow Magazine to access all of our articles and the audio and digital versions

Disclaimer: All information is accurate at the time of publication and subject to change.